Just had a breakdown

I just stumbled across someones blog, who had a baby boy around B's age. The baby passed away a month ago due to aspirating some spit up into his lungs and not being able to be resuscitated. I cant stop crying. The baby looked so much like B. He smiled like B, had the big brown eyes like B and the full head of hair, just like B. I remember when my boyfriend passed away, i was a mess for over a year. I cant imagine loosing a child, such a young child and by such a little accident. B spits up all the time, i tell him to "cough it out" and pat his back. I CANT IMAGINE seeing him not be able to cough it up. Im such a wreak about seeing that, that i had thrown up myself from crying so hard. I wont put B down now, and hes getting quite confused why im sobbing while holding him so tight. But i cant even imagine. I cant - that alone was hard for me.

rest in peace, baby adam.