6 months to 10 months, where did the time go?!

Last time i was on here brayden just turned 6 months. Now hes  almost 10 months! How time flys :)

* It was a big deal that he was sitting up on his own and feedimg himself puffs. Now at 10 months hes crawling, pulling himself up on everything and eating table food.

* At 6 months i was on the elimination diet because we thought brayden was allergic to something in my milk. At 10 months, were off that diet yet still breastfeeding. What i did do through is just started eating healtier. More salads and fruits, cut out pastas and rice and fatty meats. I drink skim milk only and high protein shakes. Hes doing much better.

* At 6 months i was fighting with that kid i was dating about the pointless shit he does. At 10 months, im still fighting with him about the pointless shit he does. Told myself i was done with his shit, that lasted maybe a week? He doesnt let me go too far. If i ignore him and change my number, he shows up at my house. If i move, he has his friends stalk my friends to find out where i moved to. I really need to rid him from my life ALL TOGETHER. I dont understand what im doing with him anymore.

But onto brayden. Hes 18 pounds now, walking sometimes but mainly crawling his way everywhere. He loves sitting around and licking my legs or my elbows. He loves eating my entire kitchen. He also loves climbing into cabinets and closing the door and giving me a heart attack thinking something happened to him. He loves ruining nice outfits with food, so he wears a bib at all hours of the day. He saids "da-da" when i ask him to say ma-ma.

Speaking of his father, he finally got the guts to TEXT me and ask me how ive been doing. Oh, you only kicked me out on the street when i was pregnant with your child, lied and told me you moved to mexico. Now that your son is 10 months old and doing BETTER THAN HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING WITH YOU AROUND, you want to text and ask me if i need any help? BYE.

Im thinking about going to do the 10 month program to be a surgical tech. They make almost as much as nurses do, and being a nursing assistant/student nurse is only gonna help me out for so long. I cant afford to go back into nursing school full time just yet, because i need to work full time and being so far into the program they wont let me go part time. Im doing fine with money, but i want to be doing better than fine with money. I want to rent out a house with a yard where brayden can play, not a apartment in a complex where brayden is playing with cigarette butts ..

Braydens Check up!

Brayden turned 6 months old on Sunday, and we went to his pedi appointment on Tuesday. Little guy is 15 pounds, 10 oz & 28 inches long! He is developmentally at 7 months, and the doctor said hes lookin great! He has some mild eczema, she thinks its due to my breastfeeding. So, its elimination diet for me. Not happy, but ill deal. Also, we went to WIC again and convinced them about re-lactating. So now were back to the breastfeeding package with them too, and they took back all that useless and pointless formula just collecting on my kitchen counter :)

On the subject of that guy, he called me a few days later and said he was sorry. I let him say what he had to say, but i also told him i was done with his games. I wasted 9 years of my life with him, i think its time i smack myself in the face and just walk away.

Brayden can sit up on his own and pick up his own little puffs and feed himself. FINALLY !!

Im sorry, but fuck men.

So, i was with this kid who just happeneddd to be my middleschool/ highschool sweetheart. We have been dating on and off since 7th grade. Broke up senior year. I met EX, dated him. Forgot about HS sweet heart. EX got me pregnant, left me. HS sweet heart came back into the picture. Then dated a girl i was friends with, and she "banned" him from seeing me. They were on and off. On their off's, he'd come here to hang out with me. It made me a mess when i was pregnant bc it was so hard NOT to gain feelings back for him. He left, came back. Left, came back. Finally i told him to leave, because i went into pre term labor at 32 weeks and he didnt give two shits. Left me at the hospital by myself. Labor day, no one besides family knows im in labor. Im already overdue, so everyones asking but i deny it because i dont want the text messages while im already stressed out. HS sweetheart texts me and saids "i have a feeling hes coming today!" Im so shocked bc i havent talked to him in a while. But i ignore it and go on with my life. Fast forward three weeks later. Just happens to be his dad lives RIGHT DOWN THE STREET. So he "stopped by his dads, then figured hed stop by here to meet Brayden" Since then, its been even more downhill. One day he wants a family, the next day he doesnt. Hes been mentally fucking me since November. Fast forward to last Saturday. I had my two friends over,. Sam- bestfriend. Bobby- gay best friend. Mike shows up, whatever. Were all hanging out, then i get a text from mike that he thinks sam is hot. Okay whatever, what guy doesnt want a threesome with two bestfriends. I brush it off. Mike sleeps over, we have a good night. Fast forward to today. He texts me asking me if sams coming over tonight. I tell him she might be, he responds with that he wants a BJ from sam. I cant make this shit up. Here i am, 22 years old and i feel like im 12 again. Grow the fuck up, get out of my fucking life.

Vent the fuck over.

i found the gold!!!!

I found the pumping room at work! My friend shenelle just came back from leave and showed me where she pumps. Um, bank?! They have their own Symphony's and Lactina's, that i wont have to lug my PISA around work anymore. IM SO THRILLED. The symphony is amazing, im getting out an extra 2oz than i was compaired to my PISA. Plus, theres rocking chairs, a tv, books, a radio. Snacks, drinks. Ladies and gents, i found the goldddd!!!! Im so excitedddddd. It pays off working at a hospital that is so pro-breastfeeding, go Yale!!!

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We went to the park !

I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE HIMMMMMMM <33333

Its life!

Finally people are starting to accept my pumping sched at work. When they see me with my medela, they know lol. My co worker (the one who gave me a hard time before) just goes "are you going to .. 'you know'?" And i was like, yes my friend. Gonna go .. 'you know'. Hes like okay ill cover you. Wow, thats impressive.
Work has been getting hetic, we have been in overflow since what seems like forever. But today is a good day, evenings are so much easier for me. Not so crazy, and i can spend time with brayden in the am! Of course i dont sleep in, my internal clock woke me up at 730 today, brayden slept till 9! We went shopping though, got more delish food for the weight watchers program. 66 dollars worth, but it was some good deals so i felt good about it :) Plus maybe if cat food wasnt so expensive id be 14 dollars richer.
I know a friend who stoped breastfeeding her child because she became a single mom after moving out away from her husband, or soon to be ex husband. She asks me how i still breastfeed and do everything on my own? Its easy. I never HAD to depend on a man since the begining, so to me this is just everyday life. Its honestly (in my eyes) only hard when im trying to do two things at once. Like i wish i could make dinner while hubby fed brayden, but dinner has to wait till brayden is fed. I got a system down now, its not like your average family 5 o clock dinners on the table, but i still eat .. when brayden gets to sleep :)

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Finally, work is getting used to me pumping. People see me with my medela

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6 days on, 4 days off!

I havent been able to blog in so long because ive been working soooo much! I had to work 6 days in a row, when normally i work two or three tops. Today is my last day of the 6, and i couldnt be happier. Im in the pumping room right now, with a fight like always. Work has just been so heavy and hetic these past 6 days, almost to the point i didnt want to come back. Everyin patient i have is either withdrawing from drugs and/or alcohol, or is from a nursing home here with a UTI. Whatttt fun, i not!
I miss my brayden, he looked so confused today why YET AGAIN mommy was leaving him. At least i get out at 3 today instead of 7, then its mommy mommy mommy time for 4 whole days. What are we going to do? I think ill take him for a long stroll around town, so he can finally see where he lives :)
I know i need to work for money, but id die to be a single stay at home mom. If someone else could just bring the money to me then leave, it be the best life for me and B!
I bought this new blogger app on my droid, lets see if it works!

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Boobies Boobies Boobies

So today is One month and three weeks since ive decided to re-lactate! As sad as this sounds, thats the same amount of time i spent breastfeeding. (i stopped at 7 weeks when i went back to work). That means in one week, i will have successfully re lactated for two months. I love this feeling of being the milk machine and providing whats best for brayden. He loves it, you can see it in his smile. It also helps out big time money wise, esp being a single mother. I dont have to worry about formula cost or buying double amount for me AND the sitter. It also helps because at work when i tell people im breastfeeding, they look at me differently. Kinda like they admire me for doing such a breast thing for brayden. Also my co-worker who just had her baby came to ME for advice on breastfeeding. The girl who breastfed for 7 weeks, and she came to me? I asked her why me and she told me she never heard of anyone re-lactating, and the fact i did it successfully means i must know what im doing. Haha yes girlfriend, i do :)

I have the weekend off, pumping marathon? i think so. I only get every other weekend off, and i try to power pump just in case brayden needs more milk while im at work. My grandparents had actually put formula in his cereal last week because they didnt have enough that day. Needless to say i noticed, and i didnt flip out on them because they were doing their best. But now i just pack extra and leave it in their freezer just in case he decides he wants to binge again some day :)

Bye Bye Bye

Bye Bye baby weight ! Hello new weight watchers join-er :) I was driving to work today when i thought to myself how i really should join a gym. And then i was like "When will i have time for the gym?" I work 40 hours a week, 4 days a week. The three days off I, 1) catch up on sleep, 2) clean my apartment, 3) Try my hardest to show brayden i am his actual mom and not this person that just drops him off and picks him up everyday :( IDK how well this plan will go, but we will see. Of course I will start it tomorrow. At work I had a slew of foods that i didnt mark down so i dont know how many points i accrued already. I did bring home my "Naked" drink, which is a fantastic fruit smoothie, and its only 4 points HOLLA.

My day off yesterday, we went to the park with my niece. She loved it - he loved it, and mommy LOVED the nice weather !!

All new stuff !!

So, i finally got over myself and i moved my bed out of the living room and into B's room. His room is HUGE, its ment to be a bedroom. Not a room for brayden so i can have my bed in the living room like im still living in college. Its just kinda embarrassing when people would come over and be like yeahh .. i guess ill sit on your bed .. ??

So with this huge tax income, im getting a new couch,  kitchen table, tv stand, and coffee table. Along with a new 40' flat screen, and a whole new bathroom set. I cant help myself!! This money is MY money, and since i never bought anything when i was pregnant because i was saving for leave - nows my time. And im enjoying it. I should have a little less than 5 grand left after my explosive shopping sprees. Thats good enough to put away :)

B is doing good on cereal, but i feel like hes never full on that. Even after practically 1/4 a cup of rice cereal, i STILL had to nurse him for 15 on both sides for him to finally feel full. So i dont know how much longer this will last.

Busy busy bees!

So right as i start to write this blog, i look down at the date and i see Friday. Had a heart attack, because my online course's test is due on Friday. Ive missed it twice already due to the fact i ALWAYS forget when Friday is. Thank god its Thursday :) Ill do the test either in the mornin or at work. Phew!

Speaking of work, i got a raise this week !! Things are so looking up for me and Brayden. With the huge tax return i have, now with this raise. Its a big deal and im blessed. Im also blessed for the friends i have, my friend told me she could watch brayden for a month this summer so i can attend the summer class i need to apply for the program i need! All in all, i want to be a pediatric nurse, in a hospital. But almost everyone wants to work in pedi, with the cute wittle babiesss, so you have to apply to a special program to get the pedi rotation. And i need one more class to apply for that, and Shenelle took that step so i can get that class. BLESSED.

Also, speaking of my good friend Shenelle, she had her baby today! Mae'son Dale was born at 8:30 am today, she arrived to the hospital not even 45 mins before. Had a natural birth, and did great! Im so proud of her !! Mae'son is such a cutie, i cant believe they are actually that small. Like 4 months ago, brayden was THAT tiny??! No way, hes massive now !!

We tried out rice cereal tonight just to see if he liked it. He LOVED it.

So we will do one feeding of rice cereal at night time before bed. I dont like the whole idea of rice, it has little to no nutrition in it. Id prefer actual food but hes not ready for that yet!

And heressss the little buggs laughing his ass off at mommy :)

Happy birthdayy

TO ME :) One year ago i had my first ultrasound, which showed my little jelly bean at 5 weeks 2 days. Today was also the day i heard his heartbeat for the first time.  My heart stopped, i thought i couldn’t POSSIBLY be pregnant on my 21st birthday. I was the go-to girl when it came to parties. I was that friend you called when you wanted to go out. And now look at me? I ball my eyes out at the thought of going out with friends. I cant look at B, laughing smiling and giggling and know im leaving him to go to the bar. Thats why this year when all my friends were asking what i was doing with my birthday, i told them im spending it with B, because in the end - hes the only one i want to spend it with.

March 5, 2010

March 5, 2011

i love him :)

4 months old !

Brayden was 4 months old yesterday (4/1) but we were so busy i couldnt post ! Little bugs is 14 1/2 pounds, and 25 1/2 inches long!  (dont ask me where he gets this height from, not me!) He got more vaccines, its always sad to see them give him shots. After this, i went to my grandparents house before work to relax with him, and the little guy slept all day! For his 2 months shots he never slept, but his 4 months knocked him out cold. Worked out well because i went to work and my grandparents didnt1 complain that he was fussy (finally).

Yesterday i also went to WIC to tell them i have successfully re-lactated. The "certified lactation consultant" didnt believe me. She said she never heard of it. Are you not a certified lactation consultant? Because all i had to do is google it, and learn how to do it and then im breastfeeding again. Like do you think if im on WIC id want to lie to you just so i could get more milk cheese and eggs for ME and not any formula for B? I was blown away that she wasnt encouraging. So she printed out the formula checks, and i didnt sign for them. I DONT FUCKING NEED THEM. CUT THE SHIT.

On a different note, my co workers thought i would only be re-lactating "for a week or so." When i took my break to pump and my co worker had to cover me, he was like "i thought that was last week?" I was like yeah last week and every week from now on and he was like, "why do you get to do this and not me" Idk dumbass, grow some tits then. You wont have to be a nurse anymore if a male can lactate. Fuckin people.

I leave you with a pic of B at the doctors yesterday, all nake and stuff.

Im on the titanic.

My neighbors hot water heater broke, flooding their apartment. This in turn leaked on over here and now my apartment is flooding. B and I are taking cover on my bed - but i had to call out of work due to the fact that we will be cleaning up alllll this water tomorrow. Awesome

Whats wrong with that?

Okay - i get it. Im 22 years old. I should be going out at night and spending time with friends - but im not. I mean on top of being the only parent for B, im also working full time and going to school. So kill me if i dont find the time to hang out with friends. Well some friends on mine want me to go out with them tonight. At first i couldn't find a sitter, but now i have found one, and i really just don't want to go. I get every other weekend off and i like to just sit around and relax with B. I feel like i leave him four days out of the week already - why have him spend the night at the sitters house?

My bestfriend called me and told me all our friends are looking forward to me finally coming out with them again, and that we have so many plans for tonight. Pre-game parties, bar hoping. This used to be the spitting image of me a year ago. I used to be that girl that started partying at 5pm on a saturday night and didnt get home untill 3am. But im not that girl anymore. I want to spend time with B. I told my bestfriend that id go out to dinner and ONE DRINK with her tonight - but after I have to go buy some more diapers & wipes for B, and come home. She thinks by telling me about how drunk i could get tonight i will change my mind. I just dont want to go. I have more important things in life - like the little life i created who looks and learns from me. Do you think i want him to learn that mommy would rather drink? I know it may be a little drastic since i used to go out 5 days a week, and now im lucky to get a drink in once a month. But i still cant help feeling so guilty.

Ut-oh

I feel like i pulled my c-section the wrong way - ive been getting sharp pain right by the incision & horrible back pain ever since. Doc thinks it might be the first time im actually releasing an egg, and boy i have never wished so hard for my period to start in my life. OW OW AND DOUBLE OW.

I never bought that car, they wanted to rape my bank account & everything i ever owned. Sorry i wont put 10,000 dollars down on a car worth 12,000 just so you could go home with a bonus. I told you 2,000 down, if thats not good i will and am going somewhere else. You are not the only ones with a 09 madza. Calm down.

My dad wants me to move back in with him once my lease is up to help pay with the mortgage. Now, id love to help out. But me and B dont belong there. I love being on my own, for both me and B's sake. Im not a 16 year old, needing support from her father because she cant pay for anything. I can and do pay for everything, and though i know he lost his job and he needs help, it wont be by having me move in to pay his bills. Ill send him some money each month for some help, but me and B love my apartment, and i worked my ASS off to get it, and worked my ASS off to keep it. I love it, i love the town and im not leaving.

Good news all around :)

Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the tail lights
Shining through the window pane

Something about that song that i just cant get over. Maybe because i understand it, and i get it. Maybe because after hearing this, i finally grew some balls and blocked EX and every single person he ever even fucking looked at from my facebook. There, now your officially dead to me.

On a better note, i started producing milk again ! I still havent bought my pump yet, but i was having B latch on tonight, and he was eating. And not these little feedings, he got a full feeding out, i didnt even have to give him his 7oz bottle before bed. GO BOOBIES !!

Random Thoughts :

B, preggie sister, my niece and I all went to the aquarium today. We have fun seeing the "shhishies" :) Too bad my camera is in my car, and im a lazy one tonight, otherwise id show you peectures !

Buying a new car soon - going to look at it tomorrow. SIKED.

Once my tax refund comes in too, im buying a new couch. I just, want a new one.

Just had a breakdown

I just stumbled across someones blog, who had a baby boy around B's age. The baby passed away a month ago due to aspirating some spit up into his lungs and not being able to be resuscitated. I cant stop crying. The baby looked so much like B. He smiled like B, had the big brown eyes like B and the full head of hair, just like B. I remember when my boyfriend passed away, i was a mess for over a year. I cant imagine loosing a child, such a young child and by such a little accident. B spits up all the time, i tell him to "cough it out" and pat his back. I CANT IMAGINE seeing him not be able to cough it up. Im such a wreak about seeing that, that i had thrown up myself from crying so hard. I wont put B down now, and hes getting quite confused why im sobbing while holding him so tight. But i cant even imagine. I cant - that alone was hard for me.

rest in peace, baby adam.

I was 4 hours late for work !!

So yesterday - i had thought i had to work 3 to 11pm. So i stayed up until 2am, studying for my medical terms test. I figured id take it in the morning after braydens first bottle. So i wake up in the morning & feed brayden. No issue. I look at my phone and i see i have tons of missed calls. Im like "what the hell happened at work today" (thinking they needed me to come in early) I listen to the voice mails - its the charge nurse saying "um, so you were saposted to work 7am to 7pm .. and its 830?!" By now, its 10. I FLIP OUT. I call her, explain the situation, then run around get brayden ready & head the 30 mins out of my way to my grandparents house to drop him off, then back the 30 mins to go to work. I finally arrived, my boss was quite pissed. She just pointed at me and directed me to her office. Oh yay. She tells me she understands, but for it to not count against me, i have to stay untill 11pm. Awesome, how am i saposto get this test done? She was like well i understand but you can go home at 7pm, just know you can only work 24 hours next week then. Well, i cant keep myself alive on 24 hours a week. So i had to take the hit and forget the test. :(

On a better note, i have Saturday and Sunday off, so today was spent hanging around, cooking & cleaning. And BOY what a stress reliever cleaning is. Like once i have a nice vacuumed, Lysol-ed, swiffer-ed house .. i get a high thats indescribable. Like "i can take over the world and make a baby happy" kinda high. But i also get THE BEST high from this little boy who just learned how to giggle :)

 

 And look at him, sittin in his bumbo while mommy mops the kitchen, even he gets happy from a clean house ..

Gosh, he has made even the worst days feel like the best :)

Just another day ..

So the re-lactating is taking longer than i had hoped because my income check still hasnt come in yet, and i cant get very far without having a pump. Since i work 12 hour shifts theres clearly no way i can get any sort of stimulation while at work without a pump. Bills are tight right now as it is. I thought i had more money in my account than i actually had, because i had bought something that wasnt processed for a few days. So now i check my account and see i have 50 dollars untill next thursday. That should be fun :/

I went out with a few people from work last night & i had a blast. I havent had that much fun since before baby. It felt good to be able to go out and not really worry about much. Brayden was at my grandparents house, sleeping away peacefully.

Id also like to add that im going to be an auntie, AGAIN! My sister and her boyfriend are expecting again, shes 6 weeks along. I did the Chinese gender test, and it said girl! My niece needs another girl, all of our friend have boys & brooklyn LOVES being girly just like her mommy! Im very excited for them, whichever sex. It would be kinda cool if she had twins though ! :p

A journey of relactating

So ive made the choice to relactate. This is going to be a journey in itself - but im ready for the ride. I want to  provide whats best for my son. I had gone out and bought some tea & oatmeal - i had also went out and bought brand new parts for my pump in hopes that was the reason why my pumps suction was not as strong as it was when i first bought it. Im excited to start this journey again, i regret not trying harder. Lets see what works out, relatating day one !

Three months old !

Today brayden is three months old & he is DEFIANTLY going through the three month old growth spurt. Im sort of lucky i had today off - i know my grandparents wouldn't be able to watch him like this. He needed to be fed every two hours, and needed to be held all day long. I had a feeling this was coming on - a few days ago he was needing to be fed every two hours or so also and my grandmother refused to feed him until he was a total hot mess and screaming so loud that the dog was hiding. I guess she got the hint then. My whole motto with the whole thing is once i know hes crying because hes hungry - i feed him 6oz. If he doesnt take all 6, so be it. But im sure as hell not going to let him scream just because it hasnt been 3-4 hours yet. He knows when hes hungry better than anyone, so just feed the kid will ya?

Since it was my day off and we were having a sleet/ice/storm storm again today i decided to stay in and chillax with my growth spirter. I was trying to get good three month old pictures but once i put B down, it was a scream fest. Though i followed our normal routine for night time and just like clockwork he was to bed by 830 again tonight. Right now he seems to be waking up every now and then, so i feel like mr. growth spirt is going to wake him a few times in the night to eat. But thats okay because i work the evening shift for the rest of this week, so i dont really have to worry about how much sleep i get, which is always a plus. I can also have a martini tonight without feeling guilty that i have to wake up in 4 hours to get ready for work. Yay for the 3-11 shift, but boo to having to pick up B from my grandparents house while hes sleeping. I hate waking him up at 12am to get into the car :(

I made a pink lemonade martini tonight, but i just used some new pink lemonade vodka i picked up this weekend & vermouth. I added a splash of cranberry to it because it was a little strong. Its delish - and apparently new. I couldnt find the actual recipe on google to share on here. What am i doing being a nurse, my calling is clearly bartender !