Okay - i get it. Im 22 years old. I should be going out at night and spending time with friends - but im not. I mean on top of being the only parent for B, im also working full time and going to school. So kill me if i dont find the time to hang out with friends. Well some friends on mine want me to go out with them tonight. At first i couldn't find a sitter, but now i have found one, and i really just don't want to go. I get every other weekend off and i like to just sit around and relax with B. I feel like i leave him four days out of the week already - why have him spend the night at the sitters house?
My bestfriend called me and told me all our friends are looking forward to me finally coming out with them again, and that we have so many plans for tonight. Pre-game parties, bar hoping. This used to be the spitting image of me a year ago. I used to be that girl that started partying at 5pm on a saturday night and didnt get home untill 3am. But im not that girl anymore. I want to spend time with B. I told my bestfriend that id go out to dinner and ONE DRINK with her tonight - but after I have to go buy some more diapers & wipes for B, and come home. She thinks by telling me about how drunk i could get tonight i will change my mind. I just dont want to go. I have more important things in life - like the little life i created who looks and learns from me. Do you think i want him to learn that mommy would rather drink? I know it may be a little drastic since i used to go out 5 days a week, and now im lucky to get a drink in once a month. But i still cant help feeling so guilty.
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